THE FLEXO-RAMA
by AquaianGoddess
Summary: Ummmm, I DIDN'T WRITE THIS! My friend did.
1. The FLEX-O-RAMA!

Aquaian Goddess's notes: HI! umm, it's obvious that I didn't write this, my friend did. Thus is why he uses my real name, Christina. ::grins:: Don't send your flames to us, for we shall laugh at them and use them to make s'mores! ENJOY!  
  
THE FLEXO-RAMA  
A GW infomertial written by Sam Acheson (Email him at JanusRahland@aol.com).  
  
  
  
The Lights go on, and Relena Peacecraft sit on a stool, wearing a   
polyester   
jumpsuit that bags around her frame:::  
  
Relena: am I on?  
  
Sam: Yes, Relena *mutters* stupid wench  
  
Relena: Okay, good, so I'm on?  
  
Christina: Yes, YOU'RE ON! *mutter* bitch  
  
Relena: Okay, I'm on. ::Turns to the camera, and smiles her best   
I'm-a-naÃve-peace-loving-aristocrat smile::: Hello, my anme is Relena   
Peacecraft. A question I'm often asked is "Relena, how do you keep   
you're smooth, supple thighs, well toned buttocks, shapely hips and flat   
stomache?" :::Relena casts a sidelong glance at where Heero, in a pastel blue   
leisure suit, is staring stoney faced at the audience::: And what is the awnser   
to that, my friends? Why, the Flexorama, of course!  
  
:::Everybody waits:::  
  
Christina: HEERO! SING!  
  
Heero: Nio. I don't wanna.  
  
Sam: NOW.  
  
Heero: Sighs, and sings::::  
  
Flexo-rama, it's Really Swell,  
  
Flexo-rama works quite well  
  
Flexo-rama, it's Peachy Keen  
  
It's even endorsed by Charlie Sheen!  
  
Sam: I didn't know Charlie Sheen endorsed the Flexo-Rama. I thought   
that's WHY we were using Relena.  
  
Christina: Everyone knows that theme songs are outside of truth to   
advertising laws *Wink*  
  
Sam: Aha. Of course.  
  
Heero: NO IT'S NOT!  
  
Sam & Christina: Shaddup.  
  
Relena: Now to demonstrate the Flexo-Rama will be the son of Maxwell   
Church, DUO!  
  
Duo's voice from offstage: No chance I'm gonna be seen in public in   
this thing!  
  
Relena: It's just a Speedo!  
  
Duo: Shut up, you old tart! YOU don't have to wear it!  
  
Heero: And please don't.  
  
Duo:::Whining:::: CHRISTINA, why do I have to wear this in public?!?   
  
Christina: Because I said so! Now get your white ass out her, now!  
  
Duo: Why can't Quatre do it?`  
  
Sam: Cause he's a scrawny weakling!  
  
Duo: Okay, how about Trowa?  
  
Relena: That guy gets enough chest-time on the show!   
  
:::Duo come out wearing a bathrobe:::  
  
:::Everyone sweatdrops:::  
  
Relena: Okkkaaayyy Duo, Tell us about the Flexo-Rama!  
  
Duo::In a bright, vacuous manner::: The Flexo-Rama helped me lose four   
pounds in just eight short months! With it's innovative pretzel shaped design,   
the Flexo-Rama will hve you screaming like you caught your pea-shooter in a   
car door!  
  
Relena: And here to demonstrate the Flexo-Rama will be Drum roll,   
please  
  
Christina: Who did you book to demonstrate it, Sam?  
  
Sam: You'll see.  
  
Relena: ZECHS MARQUISS!!!!  
  
::::Every single women, and a few of the men in the audience begin to   
scream and swoon:::  
  
Christina: ::Goes all Bambi-eyed::: IT'S SEXY ZECHSY!  
  
Sam: Yes, dear, you did say that out loud.  
  
:::Zechs walkes on stage in a pair of bike shorts, and turns and winks   
at the audience, and blows a kiss to Christina:::  
  
Christina: ::Promptly faints:::  
  
Relena: So, Zechs, why don't you domstrate the Flexo-Rama for us?  
  
Zechs: Well, firt you pick up this pretzel saped piece of rubber. Fit   
the first two rings around your legs and the other two around your arms   
and...  
  
:::Cracking sounds::::  
  
Zechs: SWEET MERCIFUL %%#% 


	2. The FLEX-O-RAMA part 2

Sam: OHMIGOD! WE KILLED ZECHS!  
  
Duo: What's this "We"?  
  
(Authors note: Bet you thought I was gonna do a takeoff on the old   
"Ohmigod-we killed kenny" thing, didn't you? Well, I didn't! SO THERE!)  
  
Christina: Go to commercial!  
  
Heero: THIS IS A COMMERCIAL!!!  
  
Sam: JUST DO IT!  
  
*Fade To Black*  
  
:::Lady Une is on the beach, wearing a tight black evening gown that   
offers minimal complience with decency laws. Her hair blows out, smooth and silky, into the light ocean breeze:::  
  
Une: Tired of split ends, Girls?  
  
:::Camera angle shifts, the top of her head an a certain part of the   
front of her dress are visible, the switches back:::  
  
Une: Tired of having hair that just won't go where you want it to go?  
  
:::Camera zooms in on her crossed legs and eight-inch high-heeled shoes   
that look to be the greatest miracle of suspension since the Golden Gate Bridge.:::  
  
Une: You want your hair to make a STATEMENT, Ladies?  
  
:::Camera does a nifty 360 degree turn so it focuses on her ass, spins   
wildly on it's tripod, makes a buzzing noise, and sparking wildly, slams into the roof of the set::::  
  
*Static*  
  
::::Camera cuts back in on a Poloroid HomeMovieMaker©, with "Record"   
and the wrong date and time flashing annoyingly in the corner:::  
  
Une: Want you're hair to be as sexy as mine?  
  
:::Cameraman tries to do another trick, but trips over his own tie and   
falls over:::  
  
*static*  
  
:::Cuts back so the only Lady Une's legs below the knees are visible.::  
  
Une:::Hunches over::: Ummm, then use TK: Trieze Kushrenada hair care   
products, for women or the ambiguously ga.. AHH! Shit! I lost a   
contact! DAMNIT! TURN THAT THING OFF!  
  
*Fade To Black*  
  
*Scene cuts back in to the FlexoRama studio, where Christina, Sam,   
Relena, Duo, and Heero are trying to figure out what to do with Zech's   
stiffening corpse.*  
  
Sam: Great, now he's stuck in that shape. How are we gonna explain   
that?  
  
Duo: Death by circus contortion?  
  
Heero: We could blame it on a marauding New-Age massage therapist.  
  
Relena: Umm, guys, were on.  
  
Christina: PLACES EVERYONE!  
  
:::Sam and Duo discreetly kick Zech's corpse offstage.:::  
  
Relena: :::Straddles a piano stool which is in the room for no   
adequetly explained reason::: And we're back! Heero, why don't you tell us more about the FlexoRama? :::Bats her eyelashes at him while continuing to molest the piano stool:::  
  
Heero:::Smiles a smile that looks like a grimace::: It's an exercise   
device, Relena.  
  
Relena: ::Swetadrops::: And?  
  
Heero: If you flirt wih me one more time I'll rip off your god-damn   
ti....  
  
Christina:::Smacks him with a cactus before he finishes his sentence:::   
Lets keep this clean.  
  
Heero: :::Winces::: Okay! The Flexo-Rama is the newest in exercise   
devices, providing the ultimate in calorie-burning-muscle-toning workout experience!  
  
Relena: Call 1-800 555-FlexoRama! Our operators are stading by!  
  
:::Shows the operators, Dorothy, Trieze, Wufei, and Noin, all snoozing   
lightly around a bunch of phones:::  
  
Relena: :::Sweatdrops::: Ummm :::Hisses to Sam::: What are we   
supposed to do now? Zechs was supposed to be doing most of it!  
  
Sam: I dunno. Go to commercial.  
  
Relena: We can't.  
  
Sam: Okay here's what we're gonna do *Whisper Whisper*  
  
:::Relena hands Sam her cell phone:::  
  
Sam: Hello, Quatre? Umm, we need some help. Could you bring them? You   
will? Great. How long few minutes? All twenty nine? Okay! Thanks! Bye!  
  
Relena: And now, the FLEXO RAMA DANCERS!!!  
  
:::Quatre comes onstage, wearing spandex that exposes FAR more then   
anyone outside of rabid hentai fanatics or child molesters have ever wanted to see:::  
  
Relena:::A look of raw disgust knifes across her face, and she falls   
backwards off her stool:::  
  
Quatre: ::Begins doing a lively irish jig to the theme music from   
"RiverDance".::  
  
Sam: Quatre, damnit, I thought your sisters were gonna dance.  
  
Quatre: I reliazed they all couldn't fit in Sandrock.  
  
Christina: We wanted feminine dancers! Not dancers that ACT feminine.  
  
Quatre: What are you implying?  
  
:::Dorothy Walks onstage from the operators booth, and smiles::: Hi   
Honey, what are you doing here?  
  
Quatre: Just buisness, sweety. ::Gives her a kiss:::  
  
Sam: ::So shocked his spiky hair falls flat:::  
  
Christina: My entire universe has been turned upside down.  
  
Duo: ::Choking on every word::: You..mean he's not well, umm  
  
Quatre: I don't have to take this. C'mon, Dorothy, the backseat of   
Sandrock awaits us.  
  
Dorothy: There's no backseat in Sandrock  
  
Quatre: I just some towels behind the pilot's seat. C'mon!  
  
:::They run offstage, giggling:::  
  
:::Duo is at the sink, scrubbing his ears bloody with a pumice stone:::   
Still... not... clean... must... get.. images.. out... of... head.....  
  



End file.
